GWN7

Passover..... Facebook stylehttp://9a4440c5.fb.joyent.us/haggadah/ultraModern2.php

Honest, I tryed to sell it....http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&&item=120382682577&ssPageName=ADME:B:EF:MOTORS:1120

Introducing Denny's Octo-Slam...In honor of the mother of the octuplets, Denny's is offering a new breakfast meal: the "Octo-Slam", you get fourteen eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

Airline Announcements? United Flight Attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it! ************************************* On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. " ************************************* "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane" ************************************* An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. �The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." �He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. �Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?" *************************************** As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella, �WHOA!" ******************************************* After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that." ************************************* Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: �"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." ************************************* Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: �During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. �After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo .�Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!" *********************************** "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments." *********************************** "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. �Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. �Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that gentleman over there." ****************************************** Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City .. �The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. �I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt" **************************************** After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. �And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal." **************************************** Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. �And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways" **************************************** Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em." **************************************** A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . �After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. �Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . �The weather ahead is goo d and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. �Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" �Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. �You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. �You should see the back of mine!"

No officer I wasn't speeding when I had the accident............http://jalopnik.com/5136801/sometimes-the-photos-really-do-tell-the-whole-story-rolled-subaru-legacy

The worst part of that one is they beat someone to get that far in the game

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?' Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?' 'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?' 'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?' 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty' 'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

Went to the Dr. today....it's official...xrays don't lie....http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j100/GWN7/GearHead.jpg

New American coinshttp://blip.tv/file/520347

Golf & The FrogA man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, hehears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.Boom!He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.You must be a lucky frog, eh?The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole."What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life andasks the frog, "OK where to next?"The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas. " They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, nowwhat?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet? " The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in thehotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."The frog replies,"Ribbit KissMe."He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

All fortune cookie's make sense if you add "In bed" to the end.........

Drive faster............

I met an older woman at a club last night.She was OK for 53, we drank a bit, had a bit of a song & she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double, a mother and daughter threesome?I said no.We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.I went back to her place.She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:"Mom you still awake?

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," shereplies, (thinking, "Isn't that bvious?"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her."I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'mreading " "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.""If you do that, I will have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven'teven touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.Moral: Never argue with a woman

DEER HUNTING OR THE FUNERALA man and his friend were enjoying Deer Hunting Seasonin rural _________ near a blacktop highway. A huge buckwalked by and the hunter carefully drew his rifle and tookcareful aim.Before he could pull the trigger, his friend pointed at afuneral procession passing on the road below their stand.The hunter slowly set his rifle back down, took off his hat,bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer.His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtfuland touching thing I have ever seen. You are the kindestman I have ever known."The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 35years it just felt like the right thing to do.