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What's going on in the car forums?Bentley Forums- - - I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?Camaro/Firebird Forums- - - My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a record and I ain't going back.Mustang (Chevelle) forums- - -Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.Monte Carlo forums- - -Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.Civic forums- - -Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.VW Bug forum- - - The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)Yugo Forum- - - When's the last time yours ran?Lamborghini forum- - - Wind noise around 210MPHMiata forums- - - Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)Chevy Tahoe forum- - -Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it? (pics)Pontiac Fiero forum- - - Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)BMW 7-series forum- - - Where to get service on my Rolex?Cadillac forum- - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.Chevy Suburban Forum- - - Is the price of gas going down anytime soon?Buick Forum- - - Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?Delorean forum- - - Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985.Crown Victoria forum- - - How come people never pass me on the highway?Honda Accord forum- - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.Toyota Echo forum- - - Do our cars use AAA or AA's?Ferrari forums- - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast.Porsche forums- - - Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?Saturn forums- - - Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.Jaguar forum- - - Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?Mercedes forum- - - My wife and her stink hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?Mini forum- - - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)Dodge Viper forum- - - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?McLaren F1 forum- - -Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.Dodge Minivan forum- - - Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget where I'm supposed to be?Hummer forum- - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas.Fiat forum- - -Hello? Am I the only member?Subaru WRX forum- - - I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.Chevy pickup forum- - - How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?SRT Forums- - -"Will this void my warranty"RX7 Forums- - - 13B Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me.DSM Forums- - -Transmission Groupbuy Full stop PM'ing meSupra Forums- - -Head to big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.Vette Forums- - -Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier steering wheel?Ford 2.3 forums- - -Help! Replaced everything, still doesn't start!S2000 forums- - -Does is come in a color other than red?

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An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Montreal one morning witha purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account andinsisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said,she had a lot of money.After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is alwaysright) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted todeposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000".The president was curious and asked her how she had been ableto save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"The elderly woman replied, "Well, I'll bet you $25,000 that yourtesticles are square."The president started to laugh and told the woman that it wasimpossible to win a bet like that.The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the presidentand said, "Would you like to take my bet?""Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that mytesticles are not square.""Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount ofmoney involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.""No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.That night, the president became very nervous about the bet andspent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles,turning them this way and that, checking them over again and againuntil he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as squareand reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly womanarrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledgedthe $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles weresquare. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the onemade the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop hispants so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so shecould see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said thepresident. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly thepresident noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against thewall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,"Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morningI would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Montreal!"

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Lada Forum- - - Where to can I find fuse for hand warmers aka. rear window defroster.Porsche Cayenne Forum- - - Anybody know what the lever on the left side of the steering wheel that makes yellow lights flash is for???Miata Forum- - - Where to buy good hairclippers?S2000 Forum- - - Where to buy slightly larger hairclippers?

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This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!NAME: Greg BulmashSEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make anoffer and we can haggle.EDUCATION: Yes.LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.SALARY: Less than I'm worth.MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd >>>like to be doing that now.DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.SIGN HERE: Aries.

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Subaru WRX forum- - - I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.vastly amusing since, obviously the first Subaru WRX i think of is mom's and this statement i'm sure will never be uttered nor typed by her lol :D ... and if it is.. well that'd just be weird (no offense mom lol:))after a second reading i have to ask, does that sound as nerdy to you as it does to me?

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> George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed when his> wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which> she could see from the bedroom window.> George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that> there were people in the shed stealing things.> He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he> said "no".> Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply> lock his door and an officer would be along when available.> George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police> again.> "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people> stealing things from my shed.. Well, you don't have to worry about> them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up.> Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an> ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars> red-handed.> One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd> shot them!"> George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

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Baking Forum: - husband's buying me a Solstice. He says it's good for donuts. Can I use it for cookies too?

Hahaha, nice save. I had written a response yesterday because I thought your wife was blonde but then deleted it... did you enjoy a night on the couch last night or something?
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According to a recent study, it was found that women have four types of orgasms;The Positive Orgasm - When the woman moans, "Yeesssss, Yes!"The Negative Orgasm - "Ohhhh nooooo, nooooo"The Holy Orgasm - "Oh god, oh god . . ."And the Fake Orgasm - "Ohh Mike... Mike!"

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According to a recent study' date=' it was found that women have four types of orgasms;The Positive Orgasm - When the woman moans, "Yeesssss, Yes!"The Negative Orgasm - "Ohhhh nooooo, nooooo"The Holy Orgasm - "Oh god, oh god . . ."And the Fake Orgasm - "Ohh Mike... Mike!"[/quote']Insert joke about your mom here. ;)
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An elderly couple are walking through the park when they come up to a wishing well. The man pulls a coin out of his pocket and makes a wish as he tosses it into the well.He then steps back as his wife walks up to the well. She trips, falls into the well and drowns!The old man blurts out, "Sweet sasafrass, it worked!"

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In the spirit of next weekend's football game... :DA Saskatchewan woman's car breaks down in Winnipeg so she has it towed to a garage. The mechanic comes out to have a look and asks what the problem is."Just conked out," says the woman. After working for just a few minutes the mechanic gets it running again, purring like a kitten. "What's the story?" the woman asks."Crap in the carburator," he explains.The woman looks at him, puzzled."How often to I gotta do that?"

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.__________________________________________________ __________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?MZF: No, I just lie there.__________________________________________________ __________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.______________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_____________________________________ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!______________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until thenext morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you ****t'in me?______________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh.... I wa s gett'in laid!______________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?______________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?______________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Guess._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?______________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________--- And the best for last: ---ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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A couple is in bed one morning when the wife asks her husband if he wants something for breakfast.The husband says, "No I'm not hungry. The Viagra's taken away my appetite."A couple hours later she asks him, "Can I make you some lunch?"Again, he replies, "No, it's the Viagra, it's killed my appetite!"A few hours pass and she asks her husband, "Surely you must be ready for dinner?""Honey, the Viagra's completely destroyed my appetite," he says.She looks him in the eye and goes, "Well would you mind getting the hell off me? I'm STARVING!"

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To continue the sask-a-bash...-evening news update-Yesterday morning found dead along the banks of the red river was a john doe. the man was approximately 5'11" Caucasian weighing about 200 lbs. as to not embarrass the family, in case they identify the body, they removed his rough riders jersey and dress him in womens clothing till the family can be found and notified.

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After having their 11th child, a Regina couple decided that was enough,as the welfare wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to steal one.The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn'twant to have any more children.The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put itin a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.The rough rider man said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in theworld, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my earis going to help me.""Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.So the man went home, lit some fireworks and put it in a beer can. He held thecan up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point hepaused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand....and there you have it problem solved

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The owner of a golf course in Saskatchewan was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Saskatchewan and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

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