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TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:Yes = NoNo = YesMaybe = NoWe need = I wantI'm sorry = You'll be sorryWe need to talk = I need to complainSure...go ahead = I don't want you toIs my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautifulDo what you want = You'll pay for this laterI'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're deadYou have to learn to communicate = Just agree with meBe romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighsYou're so manly = You need a shave and you stink of beer and stale sweat!Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensiveIt's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by nowYou're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TVHow much do you love me? = I did something today that you're not really going to likeTRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH:I'm hungry = I'm hungryI'm sleepy = I'm sleepyI'm tired = I'm tiredNice dress = Nice tits!I love you = Let's have sex nowI'm bored = Do you want to have sex?What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the questionI love you, too = Okay, I said it...can we have sex how?May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with youCan I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with youDo you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with youCan I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with youWill you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guysYou look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutesLet's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with meI don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay

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The other day my wife hinted at taking a second honeymoon. I hinted back "with who"?   Then the fight started ....

Now that is funny!! 

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Puns:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my Electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to Spain , they name him "Juan"; the other went to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. H e asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.What do you call a midget fortune teller who has escaped from jail? A small medium at large.I couldn’t believe that the statue was not made of stone. Next time, I won’t take a work of art for granite.A farmer found water while digging a hole in his field. He said: "Well!"To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow.Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

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A woman meets a man in a bar.They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?"She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lipsHe responds warmly.They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,"Well, how was it?"The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

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Joined: 07 May 2002Posts: 2197Location: Luxembourg: PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 8:40 am Post subject: A religious story Reply with quoteA priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is itstill a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?' The rabbiresponded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?' To which therabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.'The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, isit still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?' Thepriest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.' Therabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations ofthe flesh?'The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak andbroke with my faith.'The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking forabout five minutes.Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the poo-poo out of a ham sandwich,doesn't it?'

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I was originally going to post this under the AGM thread but was concerned it would get passed.I'd like to motion that the constitution be amended to include a Director of S2000's. Duties to include:1. Researching / posting / commenting on videos found on the Internet.2. Arranging group buys on S2K specific products3. Locating posts on other S2K's for sale4. Discussing various chrome vs. non-chrome goodies on their rides.Any seconders?

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I'd like to motion that the constitution be amended to include a Director of S2000's. Duties to include:1. Researching / posting / commenting on videos found on the Internet.2. Arranging group buys on S2K specific products3. Locating posts on other S2K's for sale4. Discussing various chrome vs. non-chrome goodies on their rides.Any seconders?

LOL! Nice work.
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I'd like to motion that the constitution be amended to include a Director of S2000's. Duties to include:1. Researching / posting / commenting on videos found on the Internet.2. Arranging group buys on S2K specific products3. Locating posts on other S2K's for sale4. Discussing various chrome vs. non-chrome goodies on their rides.
5. Mediating conflicts arising from smack talk between the two distinct member groups of the WSCC: Those who own an S2000' date=' and those who WISH they owned an S2000.[/i']
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Back to the topic at hand...--------Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door."Nice breasts," says the man, "Where do you want these blinds?":D

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A young boy had just gotten his driving licence. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!"The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

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2008 WSCC Logo Proposal

(3) BADGEA) Badge shall be a circle bearing the words “WINNIPEG SPORTS CAR CLUB” surrounding the outline of a sports car with the letters “WSCC” below.

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~ A Good Pun is Its Own Reword ~ Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. ~ A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. ~ A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. ~ My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time. ~ Dijon vu: The same mustard as before. ~ I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. ~ A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. ~ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. ~ Corduroy pillows are making headlines. ~ Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? ~ Sea captains don't like crew cuts. ~ Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? ~ A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. ~ Without geometry, life is pointless. ~ When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. ~ Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. ~ When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. ~ A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. ~ Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. ~ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. ~ A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. ~ A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. ~ A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. ~ Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. ~ Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. ~ Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. ~ Acupuncture is a jab well done

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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates."In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each present something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said."You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"The man replied, "These are Carol's."

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