Joke of the day...

[Jeff]

[Burn]

I wonder if this is here from last year..... too lazy to search, hehe.---------------------------------------------------------------------------A wife got a terrible headache & told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone.He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued & said she was going to take some aspirin & go to bed & there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume & away he went.The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awoke with no headache and, as it was still early, decided go to the party.Since her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party & soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could, & copping a little feel here & a little kiss there.His wife went up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.After more drinks, he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear & she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat.Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home. She put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?'He replied, 'I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.''You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your brother. Apparently he had the time of his life!'

[Brian_Earl_Spilner]

[Curtis]

[Jeff]

LMAO! Good stuff.

[wpgfordguy]

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying 'Hello.' I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?' Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' And the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had acidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an bum!' and hung up.I wrote his number down with the word 'bum' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an bum!' It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'bum' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?' He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an bum!' and hung up. One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first bum (I had his Number on speed dial ,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW bum, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.' I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow ranch Style house and the car's parked right out in front.' I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.' I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' He said, 'Yes?' I said, 'Don, you're an bum!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem; I had two bums to call. Then I came up with an idea... I called bum #1. He said, 'Hello.' I said, 'You're an bum!' (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, 'Are you still there?' I said, 'Yeah!' He screamed, 'Stop calling me,' I said, 'Make me,' He asked, 'Who are you?' I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?' I said, 'bum, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.' He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying Your prayers.' I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, bum,' and hung up. Then I called bum #2. He said, 'Hello?' I said, 'Hello, bum,' He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...' I said, 'You'll what?' He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,' I answered, 'Well, bum, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax . I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there just in time to watch two bums beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work

[BrownBoy]

HAHAHA!!! That was great!I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' made me laugh out loud at work!

[tatawaki]

http://vimeo.com/2273770 (work warning)

[Corey]

http://vimeo.com/2273770 (work warning)

I just learned that I am not the target audience for those ads. I'm not sure who is!

[Brian_Earl_Spilner]

[Corey]

[Jeff]

Penguins, Flyers and Stars Claim Stanley CupHaving acknowledged that the Detroit Redwings technically won the 2008 Stanley Cup, the Pittsburgh Penguins, Philadelphia Flyers and Dallas Stars have formed a coalition demanding a three way ownership of the league title.Rationale for their decision is based on their total combined scoring in the 2008 Semi-Finals, their total share of season ticket holders versus the Detroit Redwings and their horror upon discovering that the Detroit Redwings are using a more cost effective and efficient but non-union made Silver polish to keep the Stanley Cup gleaming.The three teams are being assisted in their bid to overturn the traditional results by members of the Quebec Hockey League who have no real interest in the success of the NHL in general but sense an opportunity to demand Zamboni’s and other critical equipment be manufactured in Quebec.Player representatives, Team Owners and Nike are expected to submit their proposals to Don Cherry in the next few days.Fans and ticket holders are neither being asked for their opinion nor allowed a voice in the final decision.

[90RioGS]

LOL That is awesome, Jeff!

[yofa]

yes, that is quite silly that this is actually being seriously considered. how about this? let's put it up to a vote and see who wins!

[Brian_Earl_Spilner]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

[freeze]

Aargh, its driving me nuts!

[mzf]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

WTF!?! :banghead::banghead:

[Brian_Earl_Spilner]

[mzf]

http://en.video.canoe.tv/search/dumbest_family/dumbest_family_ever/1915437154Wow!

[GWN7]

http://en.video.canoe.tv/search/dumbest_family/dumbest_family_ever/1915437154Wow!

The worst part of that one is they beat someone to get that far in the game

[yofa]

d*** in a box, the sequel

language warning

[Corey]

[Brian_Earl_Spilner]

Hahahahahahah Corey! Nice!

[mzf]

awesome!

[Jeff]

[yofa]

real life mario karthttp://videos.streetfire.net/video/MARIO-In-Real-Life_203757.htm?ref=bd64d1ac-cba1-4bc6-bc76-9a7300ff0e6f

[Corey]

Feel free to swap company names to whomever you like/dislike the most if you want.

A Modern Parable.A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.The next year the Japanese won by two miles.Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses. The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India .Sadly, the End.Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US . The last quarter's results:TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses... and now wants the Government to 'bail them out'.

[yofa]

beat-a-bushhttp://www.aksalser.com/game.htm

[JT_TT]

Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guiltyall day long.No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice, withinhimself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it.You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and youwon't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality:"But Bob, you're a vet."

[JT_TT]

Facebook christmas