Jim Eh.

A little Christmas poem'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Glen,Not a sports car was stirring, not even a Renn.The stockings were hung on the Tirerack with care,In hopes that Saint Nick soon would soon be there.The kiddies were nestled all tucked in their Snuggies,While Porsches and Mazdas raced in their heads;Mom in her suit and I in my race Huggies,Had tucked in the Lotus, and put away the Zeds.When out on the road there arose such a clatter,I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter:Expecting to see a fast Bimmer roar by,We raced to the window, my dear wife and I.The moon on the chrome of her GT3,Gave the brightness of noonday to our Christmas tree.When what should my wondering eyes betray,But Catrinel Menghia Fiats, pulling a sleigh.With a small hero driver so steady and quick,I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick!More rapid than Grand Prix his little fleet came,And he poured on the coal as he called them by name."Now KA, now PB, now KN and TD,On VA, on TF, on NA and TC;To the top of the esses, keep away from the wall,Flat out through the Bus Stop and don't lift at all!"Like Ayrton Senna and Prost fighting a duel,They broadslid the driveway and turned on the fuel;Up to the garage where they braked to a stop,The sleigh full of goodies with Santa on top.The sleigh was carbon fiber - Pagani design;In British Racing Green, it really looked fine.The badge bar up front stood out clear and bold,The collection of badges a sight to behold.He was dressed in Italian Race Red,From the tip of his toes to top of his head;A bundle of speed parts he had on his back,And he chuckled with glee as he opened his pack.His eyes, how they sparkled, like an OZ wheel,His beard was the silver of machine-tooled steel;With a little round face and a chubby waist lineThat shook when he laughed like that M Coupe of mine.He started his task without saying a word,The Borla exhausts were all that was heard.Wire wheels for Junior, to fit his TD,Hood strap and windscreens for Lotus and me.Some paint for the Bug, marked "French Racing Bleu",Turbo, headers, and supercharger, too;The last thing he left was the best that could be,One Hot Lap presents for the family and me.He jumped to the sleigh and gave all his mentions,Then they took off like a wild start at the LeMons,And I heard him exclaim as he quickened the pace,Merry Christmas to all and to all a good race!Author Unknown (with a little help from One Hot Lap)Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!!

A Christmas TaleWhen four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Not very many people know this.

Wrong roomA couple are at the airport in Arizona awaiting their flight. They are dressed in heavy boots, parka, scarf, mittens and all ready to head home to the Canadian winter.An older American couple standing nearby is intrigued by their manner of dress.The wife says to her husband, "Look at that couple. I wonder where they’re from?"He replies, "How would I know?"She counters, "You could go and ask them."He says, "I don’t really care. You want to know, you go ask them."She decides to do just that, walks over to the couple and asks,"Excuse me. Noticing the way you’re dressed, I wonder where you’re from?"The Canadian farmer replies, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan".The woman returns to her husband who asks, "So, where are they from?"She replies, "I don't know. They don't speak English."

I had a passing thought of the upcoming annual New Years Eve resolution event, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's hiney. It's the tortoise life for me!If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat. A rabbit runs and hops all day long, and only lives 15 years.A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.And I'm expected to exercise?? I don't think so.

3 dogs and a poodleThree handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see abeautiful, enticing, female Poodle.The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one toreach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves andhoping for just a glance from her in return.Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, shedecides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence cango out with me."The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liverand cheese.""Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination orintelligence whatsoever."She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can youdo?""Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever."My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb asthe Lab's sentence."She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you,little guy?"The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is theTaco Bell Chihuahua.He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Laband says....Liver alone. Cheese mine

Enviroment Canada WarningEnvironment Canada has issued a travel warning due to the snowfall and bad road conditions.They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:ShovelBlankets or sleeping bagExtra clothing including hat and gloves24 hours worth of foodDe-IcerRock SaltFlashlight with spare batteriesRoad Flares or Reflective TrianglesEmpty gas CanFirst Aid KitBooster cables..........I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning!

It's one thing older than me but it still has to be one of the best routines ever: And it was always done live!

'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.' 'What's that mean?' asked the child. 'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.' The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.' Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.' The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?' The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

They truly walk among us

Seeing as there is another "old guy" aroundI pointed to two old guys sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "that's us in 10 years!" He said...."that's a mirror, dip-shit!"

If the locals accept tire size swappers....they'll accept just about anything.

Tables or stage?

^ When I started to read this, I forgot what thread it was and thought I was reading some informational tidbit...until the groaner at the end.

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says: 'Well, that's great....that's just great..........some asshole's got my pen!'

Sometimes...at workI don't know if I'm the one running, or riding....

A few zingers:I asked my new girlfriend what kind of books she's interested in, She replied “Cheque books"!The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the price of a new one.Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?A: When pigs drink, they don't turn into men.Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?A: A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the Judge.Oximoron?: A beautiful nurse who holds your hand for one full minute and expects your pulse to be normal.

Wow, I've been looking all over for a new Kuhneutson Valve. Thanks

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?""Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do 'something sexy to a tractor'."[Don't make me come splain this to you! --- Read the last line again, slowly --- out loud.]

Time for a physicalDuring his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.He described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7km through some pretty rough terrain.I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.Avoided standing on a snake. Climbed several rocky hills.I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees.The mental stress of it all left me shattered.At the end of it all I drank eight beers"Inspired by the story, the doctor said,"You must be one hell of an outdoors man!""No," he replied,"I'm just a shit golfer".

For the "other" side of 50A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sundayafter he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The secondSunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talksfor 2 hours and 48 minutes.The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and theyasked him what happened.The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn'ttalk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too muchto talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put hiswife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

Seems to open on my computers. Now the mail server....thats another thing. I can't seem to send any mail through to our server?????

But aren't you are allowed a cat back and some torsion bar upgades (front and rear) in DS-S?

I will be running the exact same car and from the information I recieved I am running DS-S. If I am correct and you want to change to this class, I think you can go into DLB and edit your selection. If my class selection is wrong, I would appreciate someone setting me straight.